Failure of the Left.........

  the left side of my stomach that is. i was supposed to take a stroll with the husband tonight but after being out at a couple of stores gathering food i was in too much pain. tonight the left side of my stomach was hurting quite a bit with the right side. i let my pills wear off some to see how bad my pain is and well, now i have an idea. so maybe tomorrow night i will try wrapping my stomach and see about that stroll. since the stomach went south i have gained some weight. probably a good ten pounds and that is just not acceptable. the last thing i need is a bunch of fat pushing on everything too. i also noticed while examining my wrinkles in the mirror that pressing on my belly button area brings about the burning pain. oh such fun. if it all collapses will i be able to stand? sit up? with that threat hanging over me you would think it enough to get me to the surgeon. nope. still does not out weigh what i will feel like after surgery. yeah it is only a day or two of pure hell but i am just not that brave right now. maybe later. anyway here are two pictures of what i looked like after my emergency c-section. not pretty at all.

 

 

is that not just delicious. it was hell, HELL i tell you. so anyway one giant upside down T incision. just lovely. they even had to take my intestines out to find the baby and my bladder was in the wrong place too. why? because of stan(the hernia incase you aren't up to date). so there are the pictures i promised. all serious stuff today. i am laughing on the inside. really.

your laughing pill head

 

New Stuff

i know your hopes were up that i really had something new to tell you but i don't. it is time to see the regular doc again so he can remember why he gives me 80 talwin a month. i have some new symptoms to add so maybe that will lead to more guniea pigging. newest things are swelling. i have in the past had some swelling but figured it was due to girly monthly thing. this swelling is not so scheduled. sucks cause i like my rings but can't wear them. the swelling occurs in my legs too. anyway i haven't had a good night in ages it seems. usually by eveining i feel okay to move and even sometimes i have a burst of life rush into me. not anymore. wish i knew where that went cause i could really go for a dose. nope, just been laying around moping. kidneys still burn like fire so that is why i say laying. that still comes and goes. so anyway i bring up our lesson for the year as it might be that long again till i write here. here we go.

i know i have mentioned before about people saying "cowboy up" and "that doesn't hurt". well the lesson is don't assume something doesn't hurt someone just because it doesn't hurt you. see my mom would smack me on the back, not so much in a mean way, just a smack. i would shriek cause it bloody hurts and she would say , "that doesn't hurt! you are such a baby(or dramatic, or a wuss, or whatever she felt like telling me i was). so anyway i thought i indeed was a baby, i mean why did that hurt so much. there was no convinving her that it really did hurt. guess i have no tolerance for pain. nope that isn't it. whatever the hell is wrong with me makes me hurt everywhere and sometimes even the lightest touch is uncomfortable. so smacking me on the back will indeed cause me much pain. there are other things i have reacted to that perhaps your normal adverage person wouldn't and therefore i get called things alot. i am not a baby and i don't want people to feel sorry for me. i have learned a great lesson in this mess i am. the biggest is making assumptions about how people feel or should feel. my kids will benefit from this cause they will never here, "oh that didn't hurt, you are such a baby". i won't say it cause i don't know what they feel. i am not them. so there is your lesson. its really best not to assume anyway. you might end up being the guy being called the baby.

your baby pillhead