i know your hopes were up that i really had something new to tell you but i don't. it is time to see the regular doc again so he can remember why he gives me 80 talwin a month. i have some new symptoms to add so maybe that will lead to more guniea pigging. newest things are swelling. i have in the past had some swelling but figured it was due to girly monthly thing. this swelling is not so scheduled. sucks cause i like my rings but can't wear them. the swelling occurs in my legs too. anyway i haven't had a good night in ages it seems. usually by eveining i feel okay to move and even sometimes i have a burst of life rush into me. not anymore. wish i knew where that went cause i could really go for a dose. nope, just been laying around moping. kidneys still burn like fire so that is why i say laying. that still comes and goes. so anyway i bring up our lesson for the year as it might be that long again till i write here. here we go.
i know i have mentioned before about people saying "cowboy up" and "that doesn't hurt". well the lesson is don't assume something doesn't hurt someone just because it doesn't hurt you. see my mom would smack me on the back, not so much in a mean way, just a smack. i would shriek cause it bloody hurts and she would say , "that doesn't hurt! you are such a baby(or dramatic, or a wuss, or whatever she felt like telling me i was). so anyway i thought i indeed was a baby, i mean why did that hurt so much. there was no convinving her that it really did hurt. guess i have no tolerance for pain. nope that isn't it. whatever the hell is wrong with me makes me hurt everywhere and sometimes even the lightest touch is uncomfortable. so smacking me on the back will indeed cause me much pain. there are other things i have reacted to that perhaps your normal adverage person wouldn't and therefore i get called things alot. i am not a baby and i don't want people to feel sorry for me. i have learned a great lesson in this mess i am. the biggest is making assumptions about how people feel or should feel. my kids will benefit from this cause they will never here, "oh that didn't hurt, you are such a baby". i won't say it cause i don't know what they feel. i am not them. so there is your lesson. its really best not to assume anyway. you might end up being the guy being called the baby.
your baby pillhead
